Hardcore gaming...grandma?

My brain hurts.
(Be sure to watch the video)

Just sad

Brainwashed so young...

Don't buy Google

I just read that Google has a price/earnings ratio of 119.

Let me say that again because it's important: Google's price/earnings ratio is 119.

That means that their stock is worth 119 times their earnings. Hypothetically, this means people expect Google to grow, in the long term, by doubling seven times. Seven times.
They need to double.
Then double.
Then double.
Then double.
Then double.
Then double.
AND THEN FUCKING DOUBLE AGAIN.

Ok, so that's an oversimplification, but still...goddamn. It's like the beanie baby craze all over again.

Something you always suspected

Namely, studies show that one third of all studies are bullshit.

Why organized religion is a bad idea

Ah yes...of course the Church has traditionally been the defender of reason and truth in the face of hysterical "science." Just ask Galileo.

(Christ...at what point did these people completely lose touch with reality?)

Also, I couldn't help but post this.

I got bored again

Unremarkable peon seeks independently wealthy braniac supermodel - 25 (san mateo)

---

Reply to: anon-83910102@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-07-12, 2:15AM PDT


I've tried these sites before, but I have yet to find that special straight-haired brunette, large-breasted, independently wealthy, sexually deprived braniac supermodel and her lonely extra ferrari that I just know is out there waiting for me. I'm really not a picky guy, but I have yet to find her.

I can see us together in my mind...
...her gently sloping nose exquisitely reconstructed after being bitten off at the age of 6 by a meth-crazed, gimpy Saluki...
...her hazy, vacant green eyes, one lazy like the two of us on a Saturday night cuddling on a tired bean-bag chair...
...her turgid yet surgically botched nipples that make her shirt look like it's hiding tic tacs rammed haphazardly onto the sides of gracefully curving turkeys...
...her hips two angelic parentheses surrounding the universe's warmest and most welcoming asterisk...

Oh, it could be so beautiful!

I don't know much about you, oh beautiful fantasy woman, but I know in my heart of hearts that you must...simply must!...meet the following criteria, for I cannot imagine you any other way:

• Be sexually aroused when the announcer of the Lea and Perrins commercial announces lustily that, "_You_ were dry, but _I_ made you juicy!"
• Enjoy as a token of your deep and everlasting affection the fact that you will need to stare intently at my stubbornly flacid manhood while clapping excitedly and exclaiming, "I believe, Tinkerbell, I believe!" in order for me to become sexually aroused
• Like pretty sunsets
• Enjoy fine dining, be an excellent cook, and yet inexplicably also maintain the totally unreasonable cultural standards of female body shape
• Have the heights of your already enflamed passions elevated inescapably by the fact that I like to sing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" during my sexual partners' moments of climax
• Be brilliant, successful, enviably gorgeous, charming, loyal, and witty, except insofar as your expression of said qualities exceeds my own
• Will glow with loving admiration at the sensitivity and empathy of my gift when I send your emotionally unstable sister a wire hanger for her baby shower
• Defecate infrequently, and when you do, only emit the finest aloe vera-enriched bath soaps
• Appreciate me for who I am, accepting my physical and emotional flaws unquestioningly and without holding me to unrealistic and shallow standards

My sweet fantasy fungal spore of perfection, I hope this note finds you well. Your acceptably attractive, selectively courageous prince awaits you so that we may begin our idyllic life together! Please email me soon! Every moment we are not together is an unbearable eternity of emotional constipation! You are the enema that will release the thundering, fragrant torrent of my passions!

Write soon, my sweet!

Quick! Act surprised!

Karl Rove?! No! That bastion of morality?

No, I don't know why

...but it's funny.

Lemming sheep!

I know I shouldn't find such deep financial loss funny, but goddamnit I do!

Why is Microsoft retarded?

Why does Microsoft keep doing such stupid shit? Haven't they learned about bad PR yet? Christ...

Anti-humor

I don't know why this is so funny, but it is. This ain't bad either.
...and while we're at it, baby jokes!

Latest homosexual recruitment promotion

Wow...a free toaster?! Where would I be without you, Matt?

Ruined your horoscope? Really?

Wow...people really are retarded.

Yeee-haw!

Deedle eedle deedle eet...

And so it begins

Fuuuuuuuck. I can already hear the Religious Right drooling.

Really cool housing search website

Someone hacked together a web page to glue together Google Maps and Craigslist apartment listings. Interface has some quirks, but otherwise it's very cool.

350 retarded reasons god exists

A nice collection of all the ridiculous justifications for the existence of God.

The Bush Administration's continued war on science

Hey, look! Another case of your government looking out for you.

A minimally-covered scary precedent

This _should_ scare the shit out of most people, but I suspect most haven't heard about it. As you may remember from your high school civics class, the government is granted the power of "eminent domain" to seize property so long as the seizure is for public use and the residents are given fair market value. The point is to be able to grab land for things like military bases, public utilities, etc. But the Supreme Court just ruled that land could be seized under eminent domain for commercial development. As in, a community in Connecticut was uprooted to make room for office buildings.

Think about that. It's fucking scary. The rationale here is that the economic benefit to the community as a whole by removing the homes and re-zoning the area commercially constitutes a justifiable public good. But Jesus...you can make that argument about just about anything. Economics is a sufficiently hazy pseudo-science that you can make a case that's compelling to at least some people to justify almost anything. Just ask the Bush Administration. So, effectively, now government can legally claim any private property they want to at any time. Scary.

Interestingly, it was the conservatives who were in the minority on this one. Makes sense if you think about it...conservatives are all about limited government, and liberals generally are in favor of allowing the government broad power.

Zombie dogs

Well ain't that fucking freaky?