Further proof I am a bad person

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Email received from roommate:
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From: Michelle Butte
Sent: Tuesday, September 06, 2005 2:29 PM
To: Nick Murphy
Subject: Support me as I walk in the 2005 Out of the Darkness Community Walk!

Nick, Every 18 minutes in the U.S., someone dies by suicide. This fall thousands of men and women will walk in over 40 communities across the United States, each contributing their voices to break the silence surrounding suicide. These men and women are the Out of the Darkness Community.

By supporting me as I walk in the 2005 Out of the Darkness Community Walks to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), you will be helping me raise money for AFSP's vital programs to prevent suicide and save lives, increase national awareness about depression and suicide, and assist survivors of suicide loss.

Sponsoring me is simple-- just click on the link at the bottom of this page and follow the prompts to make a donation.

(Michelle's probably-inappropriate side comment: if you only can or want to make a small donation, please consider the victims of Katrina instead. You can support me with a smile and a "good luck!")

Thank you!

Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

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My reply:
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From: Nick Murphy
Sent: Tuesday, September 06, 2005 3:54 PM
To: Michelle Butte
Subject: RE: Support me as I walk in the 2005 Out of the Darkness Community Walk!

Michelle,

Every 3 minutes in this country, someone takes a tragically unsatisfying crap. These sad, irregular souls walk the earth in a tormented, constipated haze, desperately trying to remember the simple joy of a good bowel movement. This fall thousands of men and women will travel thousands of miles to cheap mexican restaurants and lentil distributors in an attempt to dislodge the intractable, dehydrated mass that has accumulated in their abdomen, each contributing their own squeaking ripper to break the silence surrounding constipation. The silence...of their ass. These men and women are the Out of the Darkness Community. The darkness...of their ass.

By supporting me as I walk in search of the ultimate Bowel-Buster Burrito, you will be helping me raise money for my vital program to prevent me from not raising money, not to mention raising awareness of Obstinate Turd Syndrome (OTS), depression surrounding OTD, and continuing conspiracy of the United Cheese and Gummy Candy Makers of America. Please...every little bit counts.

Sponsoring me is simple. Just give me a bunch of money. Or a burrito. Or a burrito filled with money. Either way, you're making a difference.

God bless,
Nick