iPhone

Friend: "Hey! I've been dutifully watching your blog for a rant about how the iPhone will suck. What the hell is taking you so long?"

Okay, fine. Here's my take: the iPhone may or may not be awesome. In fact, the interface does look kind of slick (although given that there's a touch screen and nothing else, I have to wonder how long your average iPhone will go without being encrusted with stale peanut butter and beer). But no phone is awesome enough to justify $500. Not until inflation is at the point where pineapples cost $50. No, a $500 phone would have to be able to cook me eggs benedict in the morning (with hollandaise that hasn't curdled, goddamnit), dress me, and give me sound personal and career advice. And give an exquisite Swedish massage when I get home at night. And get me things from the fridge when I'm on the couch. Short of that, there's no phone on earth I'm paying $500 for.