Feel free to add your own.
It wasn't that hard to spread your legs/Yet we're still amazed his sperm found the egg
You let a retard sleep in your bed/Hope the kid likes special ed
We're really sorry the condom broke/But at least now we get some rum and cokes
Perhaps one day you and your child will be walking all alone/And you can point and say, "Look! That's the bar bathroom where mommy answered the bone-a-phone!" (ok, a bit long, but I liked it)
We know this is hard so don't feel so bad/Some day the circus will come back and you can find the dad
When the kid realizes his dad is so ugly the mind just boggles/Just calmly explain, "Sweetheart, mommy had beer goggles"
We dearly hope you don't fuck up your kid/Quite as much as your parents did
We're all delighted and ever so pleased/You contracted the most joyful sexually transmitted disease
Just goes to show that with enough stout/You'll believe him when he says, "I'll pull out"
Congrats on the bundle of joy, and try not to think about/The fact it will be 10 times larger than the orifice it needs to come out
We're happy about the baby, but it's still kind of shitty/That its daddy could be any guy in the city
We loved putting together this stupid goddamn party, no really it's a thrill/But next time just remember to take the goddamn pill
We're sure the kid will be perfect and won't need a brother/But it's still good to know if you fuck this one up you can still make another
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