More Craigslist shenanigans

My most recent Craigslist posting:

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Hey...I'm moving to Seattle (back to Seattle, as it turns out) from California to start grad school at UW at the beginning of September, and I'm hoping there are some other souls wandering around the great Craigslist housing limbo who might be in a similar situation and either searching for housing themselves or have an imminently vacated or otherwise unoccupied room they're looking to fill.

I've browsed through most of the other entries on here, and I gotta be honest, people: weak. Very weak. You have managed to differentiate yourselves from the occupants of Riker's Island, Arcum Asylum, and the defendants of the war crimes tribunal at The Hague. Otherwise, I'd be hard-pressed to choose the 5-foot-two albino nursing student with a Smurf fetish from the six-foot-three Ukrainian baritone who secretly longs to pursue a career as a jockey amongst you. You can do better! You are unique! You are special! In both the good and the bad way...

As for me, my ideal roommate is:

- absolutely filthy
After all, haven't many important scientific discoveries been serendipitious? For all you know, that decomposing pizza box may well contain the cure for cancer. Others may call it a slovenly, slothful, and a negligent failure to maintain even basic third-world health standards, but you, my forward-thinking friend, call it iconoclast scientific inquiry!

- likes doing hard-drugs
If God hadn't wanted you to do intravenous drugs, he wouldn't have put the veins in your arm so close to the surface. Alcohol is for pussies, and when you pursue alternative perceptions of reality, you don't fuck around. If an enema full of methamphetamines and paint thinner is wrong, well then goddamnit you just don't want to be right.

- totally unreliable
You wake up every day striving to bring some excitement to my life. You understand that were you not to go missing for weeks at a time, I might take you for granted. And rent? Don't get you started. If I want to be The Man's bitch and pay my rent "on time" and in "US dollars," well, that's my decision, but you won't be tied down like that. You pay your rent when _you_ feel like it, and if I won't accept your frequently updated list of celebrities who are "fucking queer" as your contribution to supporting the apartment, that's just my problem.

- likes drama
You are an emotional time-bomb waiting to go off. Willing to fly off the handle at the most miniscule provocation, you ensure a healthy dialogue with your roommates by surrounding them in a warm, nurturing ambiance of passive-aggression. Was the beanie-baby with a fork stuck through its eye left in front of my bedroom door as revenge for forgetting to wash your favorite plate, or for failing to compliment you on the new Prada bag you got that's currently covering the final notice from your credit card company? I'll probably never know, and that's why living with you is such a unique and educational experience.


Anyway, drop me a line if you're interested in teaming up for housing (seriously...I do actually need to find a roommate; I'm not just being a wise-ass :). I'm more interested in finding good roommates than beholden to any particular area.

And if I'm not your cup of tea, good hunting. I'm sure you'll find the "cool, laid-back" roommate that's right for you. ;)