Tree births

Just in case you thought the babies/windows incident was isolated, I give you the following IM conversation. I'm really...special...aren't I?

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Nick: I just heard the following on television:
Nick: : a flash flood forces a woman to give birth in a tree. Next, on Amazing Births!
Nick: Umm...tree?
J: ... and you think that epidurals are where its at
J: fuck that
J: i want a tree birth
Nick: oh hell...what have I done?...
Nick: heh
Nick: hehehehehe...
J: boil some water and get me some rope
Nick: hehehehehehe
Nick: you know what I'm thinking, right?:
Nick: "PUSH!!!..."
Nick: "....................................."
Nick: ".......*thunk!*"
J: sigh
Nick: can a placenta serve as a bungie cord?
J: its just like throwing a baby at a window, right, nick?
J: ouch
Nick: hee....hehehe...
Nick: boing...boing...boing...
Nick: ok....ok...whoo...ok...I'm ok. I'm can stop laughing...
J: nick nick nick
Nick: how long is the placenta? Could she toss the baby to the shore and then use the cord to climb to safety?
J: i don't think you have all your facts straight
Nick: alternatively, could it be used to construct an ad-hoc slingshot, a la wyle e. coyote?
J: ACME
J: i love spam
Nick: hmm...and the placenta is how the baby gets oxygen, right? Can that work in reverse? Could mom use the newborn as a snorkel?
Nick: jesus christ the possibilities are endless!
J: this is frightening
J: and unpleasant
Nick: They should make a PSA informing women in flood-prone areas to be pregnant!
Nick: what, you want the woman to drown?!
Nick: she has a newborn baby!
Nick: I'm just trying to figure out how to save them.
Nick: I don't hear you coming up with any bright ideas.
J: i think they should stay in the tree
J: forever
Nick: that's just stupid. they'd run out of food.
J: we've already discussed that they can eat the placenta
Nick: Although maybe if the tree were fruit-bearing, and the baby were sticky, you could throw it at the high-up fruit...