Snack food trucks collide

Tragic deliciousness?

You're doing it too slow!

Remember kids: it's cool to abstain from voting!

When you vote for someone, you're voting for every position they've ever taken. Yeah. Think about it.

Tastes like human!

I...umm...wow. I just...no...no, I don't think so.

"Thanks" to G.

In which I torture those I care most about

me: Oh man...these are some good pancakes...

1:14 PM Man, I can't even imagine my life without these pancakes

Your life must feel so empty right now

Sitting there...no pancakes...

1:15 PM Wondering what the point of going on is...

1:17 PM I'm sure it seems dark right now, but something will show up in your life

1:18 PM Though admittedly I don't know what could fill the emotional void left by not having pancakes...

1:19 PM No one would blame you if you just felt like ending it all

1:20 PM Choosing sweet, sweet release instead of an unending pancake-less agony

1:21 PM I'd take M. No point in taking him down with the sinking ship that is your life.

1:22 PM Look, I'm just trying to help.

5 minutes

1:28 PM j: hahahahahahahahahaha

finally! it wasn't me who lost my mind in the IM ether

1:30 PM me: If you do decide to, like, slit your wrists, be sure to do it right. Remember: rippy the razor says it's down the block, not across the street. I'm just saying. Would want you to fail at that just like you've failed at everything else...

j: so what the fuck did you want again?

1:32 PM me: You to come to terms with your pancake-less life

1:36 PM Even big girls need to cry sometimes. It's ok, J.

j: yawn stretch

oh are you still here?

1:37 PM me: Even really big girls...

hide

1:38 PM Though sometimes they cry butter.

1:39 PM Which would be ok if you had pancakes.

Which you don't.

8 minutes

1:48 PM j: HORRIBLE

HORRIBLWE

HORRIBLE

HORRIBLE

HORRIBLE

FUCK YOU

AND YOUR PANCAKES

Sophie can walk

Today in "Private conversations made public for your amusement"

K: it really scares me that sarah palin doesn't support abortion even in the case of incest or rape
N: hi, have you met the republican party?
K: still
K: incest I get ... clearly she likes her kids severly retarded
N: hehehehe
K: but rape?
N: you're awesome. Have I mentioned that recently?
K: no
K: thanks

Vegan condoms

I gotta admit I find the idea of an animal suffering so that I can fuck but not reproduce strangely poetic.

Hide the children!

For the love of god, hide the children and then save yourselves! The Crypt-keeper has been working out and got a blonde wig!!!

(I know...I'm a terrible person. But seriously, look at her arms! Her _arms_! Those are old lady arms. For the love of god, age gracefully, woman! Also, do you think there was a metallic creaking when she opened her legs like that?)

Today in 'GodDAMN are people ever fucked up!'

Here, and here.

Don't I just brighten your days?

On world record gangbang attempts

Consider this a continuation of this comment thread from a previous post...

There is so much to be entertained about in the article on the "world's biggest gangbang." I love this line:

"There was criticism from the rest of the industry on such a spectacle, including the safety aspect although all the men were tested and most of the time condoms were used."

Ignore the amusing idea of condoms being worn "most of the time" ("Well, I mean, I'm mostly not pregnant...") and focus on the "criticism from the rest of the industry."

"Look, we're trying to do a respectable shoot of 'Lawrence of A Labia' over here, and you have to go and sully the good name of our industry! Have some respect for yourselves, for god's sake..."

Also, apparently they styled the bed after the Roman empress Messalina. Interesting chick:

The oft-repeated tale of Messalina’s all-night sex competition with a prostitute comes from Book X of Pliny’s Naturalis Historia. Pliny does not name the prostitute; the Restoration playwright Nathaniel Richards calls her Scylla in The Tragedy of Messalina, Empress of Rome, published in 1640, and Robert Graves in his novel Claudius the God also identified the prostitute as Scylla. According to Pliny, the competition lasted for 24 hours and Messalina won with a score of 25 partners.

Roman sources claim that Messalina used sex to enforce her power and control politicians, that she had a brothel under an assumed name and organised orgies for upper class women and that she participated much in politics and sold her influence to Roman nobles or foreign notables.

God, politics nowadays are fucking _boring_. Side note:

Among those who were loyal to Messalina was consul Lucius Vitellius. He begged her as a tremendous privilege for him to remove Messalina’s shoes. Vitellius would nurse her right shoe between his toga and tunic and would sometimes take the shoe out and kiss it.

Earliest example of a shoe fetish?

Patriotism

Another in our series on "private IM conversations made public for your amusement":

C: after watching the olympics i feel the need to be more american. i think i'll go amass a few grand in credit card debt
Me: that's the spirit!
C: gold plated napkin dispenser? how could i possibly live without it?
Me: better go on a hoveround though...don't want to be burning any extra calories
C: good point
C: although i'll need some chrome on my hoveround
C: who am i kidding though, if i'm gonna build up credit card debt its all going on hookers and booze
C: not necessarily in that order. but probably
Me: I recommend the booze first
C: heres my thinking - in the beginning i'll have the high priced hookers. i dont need to be drunk for those. as i get poorer and dip down to the $10 street whores - then i'll need to be hammered
Me: ok, nevermind...clearly you've thought this out already.
C: obviously

The most awkward sex talk ever

Wow...this very well might be the most awkward sex talk ever.

It takes a lot to leave me speechless...I think this might have done that though. I'm going to be over here curled up in a fetal position, m'k?

Caution: more doggie porn

Dear GOD I am so easily amused. Midnight on a Friday night and this is what I've sunk to.

You have to admit though...whoever came up with the concept after observing that in the neighbor's garden deserves an emmy.

Tiddy Bear!

Heh...hehehe...hehehehehehe...Tiddy Bear...hehe...

Defending yourself against 20 children

Thank you! Finally a _practical_ piece of information on the internet.

Vagina

Well, it's true...

Important boob-related research

I'm so glad someone out there is doing the truly important research...

I've...developed a taste...

I love this...

Please, girls, don't ever do this

From British Cosmo (scanned charitably by K). This is _so_ not okay. Click to zoom.