Hide the children!

For the love of god, hide the children and then save yourselves! The Crypt-keeper has been working out and got a blonde wig!!!

(I know...I'm a terrible person. But seriously, look at her arms! Her _arms_! Those are old lady arms. For the love of god, age gracefully, woman! Also, do you think there was a metallic creaking when she opened her legs like that?)

Break the Ice

I dig the dark, anime, Trinity-esque Britney, and I like the song (which I must admit I bought from the iTunes store).

The tragic case of Jenna Jameson

Jenna Jameson's name is virtually synonymous with porn. She is (or was) _the_ quintessential porn star, and she has built her own media empire around her name. Many was the teenage masturbatory fantasy built around that woman. In fact, if there were an all-time wank fantasy hall of fame, she'd be the first inductee.

It was shocking, therefore...and _horrifying_...to behold her modern visage (on some tv show recently). Did I mention horrifying? Because that's what this before and after picture is: horrifying.



Here's an alternate page just to show you, yes, she really is that busted.

Ladies and gentlemen, a moment of silence, please, for the fall of a porn legend. Our prayers are with her and her newly undead body.

Well, see, now I want to see all of these

The Most Controversial Films of All Time.

Mmm...criteria-less internet list-tastic...

The worst movies ever

Care to guess what the worst movie ever is on RottenTomatoes.com's list of worst-reviewed movies? If you guessed "Baby Geniuses 2," you're wrong. Close, but wrong.

Lynne Spears parenting book held up

...for "obvious reasons." What? Why?! Hell, with Ms. Christy McPremaritalSex knocked up, there should be _more_ of a market for the book! Who wouldn't want to read something by a woman who was so deluded that, despite being the mother of two of the most public examples of fucked-up children in the country, she decided to write a book on how to be a good parent? That's fucking _entertainment_ if I ever saw it!

(P.S. Incidentally, no, Lynne is not a worse parent than Britney. Britney drives drunk, runs over people, and thought that Kevin Federline would make a good father. She wins for worse mother.)

The universe making it absolutely, crystal clear that the Spears family is trailer trash

Yup. 16-year-old sis is preggers. Awesome.

"It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected," Jamie Lynn told OK!, according to the Associated Press. "I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

Okay, you had sex, right? And I'm guessing you used no form of protection? And you're 16? Yeah. No, I can totally see why that would be unexpected...

Update: AH-HAHAHAHAHAhahahaha...

The bad things actors do to their bodies

Eep?

Random nerdy thought

I really miss the Cartoon Network's Ghost in the Shell series (both Stand-Alone Complex and 2nd Gig). Both were by far the best cartoon series to be put on television, and I looked forward to them every week when they were out. (Oh wikipedia...you just reminded me of the weirdly adorable Tachikomas!) The episodes are also probably my favorite shows of all time behind Battlestar: Galactica (aside: why must I wait until fucking January for new episodes?! Cruel, cruel world...and what the fuck am I supposed to do after next season when the series ends?! *whine*).

Sadly, I've heard no suggestion that a third series is in the works. Nor, for that matter, have I heard any suggestion that there will be a third movie since I suspect the last one (best cartoon basset hound ever! And it even played an important symbolic role in the plot! Apparently Oshii has a basset named Gabriel...I knew I liked him) was rather a flop.

(fyi, the reason I was thinking about it is because I have the theme song in my mp3 collection. Yes, I am _that_ much of a nerd...)

_Another_ Jurassic Park movie?

You don't even need to read the article. You just need to read the first sentence of the description to know what a _horrible_ idea this is...

The fall from grace of Dennis Miller

A moment of silence, please, for the great Dennis Miller.

He at least used to have moments of being funny. But then he took a weird right wing turn. I wasn't happy about it, but ok. The final straw, however, came tonight as I watched the Half Hour News Hour (don't ask...I don't know why. I'm masochistic.) Turns out the crazies who run that show gave ol' Dennis his own bit entitled, "The Buck Starts Here." Nevermind that this is a shameless ripoff of "Back in Black" (just as the entire concept behind Half Hour News Hour is a shameless [and crappy!] ripoff of Daily Show). The subject of Mr. Miller's rant was "why I love Bush." As if that weren't bad enough, he had to alternatively dumb down his rant for his audience and explain his jokes. Oh, it hurt me. At one point one of his jokes was, "...and I love Bush because he would make fun of me for using the term 'vis-a-vis' in the previous joke."

Oh, Dennis. You might as well have just written "sell-out" on your forehead...

In which I defile Thriller

Don't ask me why. There really isn't a good explanation. Or excuse. Or pretty much anything. All I'll say is that I seem terminally incapable of _not_ dramatically imitating Vincent Price's part in Thriller every time I hear it. It seemed only natural, therefore, to do so in a cartoon voice. Into a microphone. And overlay it into a sampled version of Thriller in GarageBand.

What?

<Nick's defiled Thriller sample>

Thriller re-enactments

As far as Thriller re-enactments go, if you can't have Phillipino prisoners, there is a strict hierarchy. Somewhere in the middle is a wedding party (hey, at least they're not doing the chicken dance):

...and at the very, _very_ bottom is this shameless Bollywood ripoff:

Emoticons: useful or abomination?

Little blurb in NYT fashion regarding the modern use of emoticons. Cute quote:

“I mean, it’s ludicrous,” said Ms. Feldman, 25. “I’m not going to feel better about losing hundreds of thousands of dollars because someone puts a frown face to regretfully inform me.”

Personally, I'm a staunch defender of their use. Emails can be wildly misinterpreted due to their lack of body language and tone. Emoticons are a very succinct way of making the intent of a message clear.

That said, I'm not entirely clear why the world needs a Ronald Reagan emoticon...

Hyperbole

I mean, I'm no fan of Tom Cruise either, but...Goebbels? Really?

Spider-Pig

I'm sure everyone's seen this by now, but I would go to the Simpsons movie just for these 30 seconds if nothing else.

"Can he swing...from a web?...No, he can't...he's a pig..."

This may well be the coolest thing I have ever seen

I'm...I'm speechless. Frankly, they might as well shut down the Internet. Nothing...and I mean nothing...can possibly top 1500 inmates of the Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center in Cebu, Phillipines re-enacting Thriller.

Nothing.

Reasons that Transformers was awesome that I didn't know include

Turns out that Peter Cullen, the voice of Optimus Prime in the latest Transformers movie, was also the voice of Optimus Prime back in 1984. According to Cullen, he probably got the part in large part due to lobbying by fans.

I knew the movie was weirdly evocative, and now I know part of why.

*gets a little misty-eyed*

Transformers

...was awesome.

Not a good movie, per se, but nonetheless awesome. It had explosions and dueling robots, and that's all I wanted. It didn't dick around with the pretense of plot or character development. Just got right down to the robots shooting at each other. That's all I asked.

In other news, my roommates report that my xbox 360 died. Just out of warranty. Fan-fucking-tastic. Sadly, probably not worth my while to get another one. Boo Microsoft. Apparently I'm joining a disturbingly high number of other people with 360 hardware failure problems.

Class divisions in MySpace versus Facebook

A really fascinating commentary on the sociology behind MySpace versus Facebook. Long but worth reading.