You can even hire accomplices on Craigslist!

Well color me fucking impressed.

His _third_ penis?

You know, I love the mental image of this guy coming home to his wife, her taking one look, and going, "Alright. That's it. Check please!"

(thanks J)

Lava surfing

Certain things are very obviously bad ideas. This happens to be one of them.

Icelandic Phallogical Museum

Donate your penis to science!!!

"One species conspicuous by its absence is homo sapiens, but that may soon be rectified since a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton have promised to donate their organs after death, according to certificates on display.

The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis -- which he purportedly nick-named 'Elmo' -- for display alongside a life-size plastic mould of the member as well as his pledge to donate it."

Also, this isn't creepy _at all_:

"He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, with little notion he would one day be running a museum devoted to the subject."

Stealing dad's credit card to buy hookers

Okay, no part of this article isn't funny. There's honestly nothing I can add to it to make it any better.

Haven't we all, at some point in our lives, thought...

"...you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go fuck a penguin."

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I bet you thought there was no such thing as a partially completed surgery. Apparently, in China, you're wrong.

*clutches knees, rocks back and forth in corner, whimpering...*

The whosiwhatsisnow?

You heard me. The Toast of Botswana.

Also, why does this paragraph make me feel so defensive?:

"Although infertile, the hybrid had a very active libido, mounting both ewes and does when they were not in heat. This earned the hybrid the name Bemya or rapist. He was castrated when he was 10 months old because he was becoming a nuisance."

A thought on having sex with your lawn furniture

Okay, yes, creepy. But isn't this a victimless crime? If the guy can seriously get his rocks off by boning an umbrella stand, why shouldn't he be able to do that? He doesn't bother any women (or little boys), and there's no chance that it could accidentally involve passing on his umbrella-humping genes. Isn't this pretty much ideal?

Let natural selection do its work, for fuck's sake!

Erotic Jesus

From the article:

"But the most disputed work was 'Leonardo's Last Supper, restored by Pier Paolo Pasolini' which showed cavorting Apostles sprawling over the dining table and masturbating each other."

You know, I can see why some people might be a wee upset about that...

It got me thinking though. Having a bunch of biblical figures jerking each other off is just cheap attention-whoring (although still awesome, don't get me wrong...I approve of the transgression of any and all lines of propriety). And frankly, it's not that erotic.

So what if you really did make a truly erotic Jesus? You know, like a Jesus in seductive poses, winking at the camera, showing cleavage. Now _that_ would be an erotic Jesus. A quick Google search for "sexy Jesus" reveals a comic entitled, "The Adventures of Sexy Jesus," which is a start, but I think there's far more marketability here. Anyone want to start a business and get rich?

The George Bush Sewage Treatment Plant

God bless San Francisco.

He's having a baby

*jaw falls on floor, brain explodes*

(courtesy MrsMalkav)

Hate groups in the US

This map of hate groups in the US is interesting to me for only one reason: South Dakota seems to have no race hate groups whatsoever.

Want to know why?

BECAUSE THERE ARE NO GODDAMN PEOPLE IN SOUTH DAKOTA TO BEGIN WITH.

There are so many things wrong with this news item, I don't even know where to start

How...why..."slipped out"???...

*brain explodes*

Implants. For your tattoo.

Oh, for fuck's sake...how fucking bored do you have to be to decide to get implants in order to make your tattoo's tits look better?!

Besides, just buying actual implants would be way more fun. I don't mean actually have surgery. I just mean get the implants and, you know, keep them around the house. I have to imagine that would constitute _days_ of entertainment for the average American male (who, let's remember, has the attention span of a puppy with ADD and the sophistication of a titmouse).

Engineers -> terrorists

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: don't piss me off.

"Silence! I _kill_ you!"

Being a skeptic for fun and profit

Supposedly haunted Chinese building: $6500
Supposedly haunted Chinese building after haunting has been debunked: $133,000
Look on former owners' faces when they find out their dumb, superstitious asses could have made six figures by removing 10 catfish: priceless.

So, are you busy Friday night?

...because we apparently need to have an orgasm at exactly 10:08 PST. For the earth. Or something.

Barbie was a dirty whore

No, seriously, apparently Barbie really did start out as a German whore.

Who knew?

"Cheney Found To Have Irregular Heartbeat"

The "irregular" isn't as surprising as the "heartbeat" part.

(You might think that joke would be beneath me. You'd be wrong.)