Vegan condoms

I gotta admit I find the idea of an animal suffering so that I can fuck but not reproduce strangely poetic.

Hide the children!

For the love of god, hide the children and then save yourselves! The Crypt-keeper has been working out and got a blonde wig!!!

(I know...I'm a terrible person. But seriously, look at her arms! Her _arms_! Those are old lady arms. For the love of god, age gracefully, woman! Also, do you think there was a metallic creaking when she opened her legs like that?)

Child who is his own laugh track

Seriously, who laughs like this? :)

Today in 'GodDAMN are people ever fucked up!'

Here, and here.

Don't I just brighten your days?

RFID and MythBusters

I'm not normally one to get all paranoid about RFID, but the fact that this was effectively censored should scare you at least a little (you only need to watch the first 2 minutes)...

Translating cats

The original:

One proposed translation:

A more likely translation:

Obama to McCain

"Bend over, and take it."

Nice speech...very nice speech. I'm not sure how you respond to that if you're a Republican. I'm sure they'll come up with something that I think sounds stupid that resonates with Republicans for some reason. :-/

On world record gangbang attempts

Consider this a continuation of this comment thread from a previous post...

There is so much to be entertained about in the article on the "world's biggest gangbang." I love this line:

"There was criticism from the rest of the industry on such a spectacle, including the safety aspect although all the men were tested and most of the time condoms were used."

Ignore the amusing idea of condoms being worn "most of the time" ("Well, I mean, I'm mostly not pregnant...") and focus on the "criticism from the rest of the industry."

"Look, we're trying to do a respectable shoot of 'Lawrence of A Labia' over here, and you have to go and sully the good name of our industry! Have some respect for yourselves, for god's sake..."

Also, apparently they styled the bed after the Roman empress Messalina. Interesting chick:

The oft-repeated tale of Messalina’s all-night sex competition with a prostitute comes from Book X of Pliny’s Naturalis Historia. Pliny does not name the prostitute; the Restoration playwright Nathaniel Richards calls her Scylla in The Tragedy of Messalina, Empress of Rome, published in 1640, and Robert Graves in his novel Claudius the God also identified the prostitute as Scylla. According to Pliny, the competition lasted for 24 hours and Messalina won with a score of 25 partners.

Roman sources claim that Messalina used sex to enforce her power and control politicians, that she had a brothel under an assumed name and organised orgies for upper class women and that she participated much in politics and sold her influence to Roman nobles or foreign notables.

God, politics nowadays are fucking _boring_. Side note:

Among those who were loyal to Messalina was consul Lucius Vitellius. He begged her as a tremendous privilege for him to remove Messalina’s shoes. Vitellius would nurse her right shoe between his toga and tunic and would sometimes take the shoe out and kiss it.

Earliest example of a shoe fetish?

The philosophy of prostitution

I read an interesting comment (that I of course can't find any more) on the Stranger's blog ("slog") that I hadn't thought about before: What's the difference between making an adult film and prostitution? Seriously. You pay someone to have sex when you make an adult film. How is that different than prostitution? Just because you're not paying them to have sex with _you_? Does that mean if I pay someone to have sex with my friend, and my friend pays someone else to have sex with me, then it's not prostitution?

DNC speeches

Mark Warner
Warner is a bad speaker. Not a terrible one, but not good. He is just not inspiring. That's unfortunate, because his message was a good one: we can embrace our problems as an opportunity for innovation. Bring outsourced jobs to rural communities. Spur growth in alternative energy industries. Etc. Too bad I think the message got lost in the poor delivery.

Bill Clinton
Bill's speech was good, though not as good as Biden's. It started slow, but got to some satisfying hammers against McCain and Bush by the end. It did feel a little weird though, especially at the beginning, in a reverse psychology kind of way. He kept explicitly mentioning the perceived weaknesses of Obama. I know there's an argument for directly addressing such concerns, but it felt like it kind of reminded people to think about them, which I think is counter-productive. I was really surprised when he talked about how McCain diverged with his party on some important issues. Huh? I mean, nevermind that it's basically false (he's one of the most conservative members of the Senate)...why are you saying that during a DNC speech?? Weird.

Joe Biden
Biden's speech was the best of the lot. He's a really compelling speaker, and he hammered McCain hard. He had passion and energy, and he really still feels like a working-class kinda guy despite his years and years in the Senate. I hope that translates into bringing more blue collar voters into the fold.

Badass old Izuzu commercial

Modern commercials clearly suck.

Over-educated nerd humor

Dude, if you actually get this _and_ the reference it's making, you are way, way, WAY over-educated. (and yes, I do, and yes, I am)

There are different kinds of hurt

*sniff*...

Christianity explained

Yeah, no, that totally makes sense. Clearly we can't have a President who doesn't believe this stuff.

DNC nausea

Ugh. I'm already sick of the DNC Convention. The ridiculous flag-waving, "pick yourself up by yer bootstraps!", "The American Dream is still alive!" narrative is making me fucking nauseous. It's absolutely what they have to do, but it's such pandering bullshit.

Eep?

Dude. Don't say bad stuff about the pill. I love the pill. The pill is one of the greatest inventions ever.

DNC schedule

Courtesy O. :)

Patriotism

Another in our series on "private IM conversations made public for your amusement":

C: after watching the olympics i feel the need to be more american. i think i'll go amass a few grand in credit card debt
Me: that's the spirit!
C: gold plated napkin dispenser? how could i possibly live without it?
Me: better go on a hoveround though...don't want to be burning any extra calories
C: good point
C: although i'll need some chrome on my hoveround
C: who am i kidding though, if i'm gonna build up credit card debt its all going on hookers and booze
C: not necessarily in that order. but probably
Me: I recommend the booze first
C: heres my thinking - in the beginning i'll have the high priced hookers. i dont need to be drunk for those. as i get poorer and dip down to the $10 street whores - then i'll need to be hammered
Me: ok, nevermind...clearly you've thought this out already.
C: obviously

Mmmm...sacrilicious

I'm in an intolerant of religion kinda mood.

The most awkward sex talk ever

Wow...this very well might be the most awkward sex talk ever.

It takes a lot to leave me speechless...I think this might have done that though. I'm going to be over here curled up in a fetal position, m'k?