Clown Porn

So wrong, and yet, so right...

8. Sweeping up the wet spot: It’s like the old sweeping up the shrinking spotlight bit, but with the wet spot.

9. Confetti money shot: He pulls out and shoots confetti all over the female clown.

10. Seltzer money shot: He pulls out and is going to skeet on her face, but instead it is a huge torrent of seltzer water. Lots of it. And just when it seems like there is no more left, and she begins to rub it all over herself, another huge torrent, larger than the first blasts her.

11. More honking: All intercourse will have honking on the in-stroke.

12. Slide whistle: Some how this seems like a good sound effect for an anal scene, but could be good for another blow job scene too. Whooooeeeep. Wheeeeoooop. Whooooeeeep. Wheeeeoooop.

This month sucks

First Russert, now Carlin.

Goddamnit.

"The good die young, but dicks live forever." -- Lewis Black

YouTubery on female anatomy

First, laugh:

Then, be horrified:

A Biblical depiction of history

Baconhenge!

It's Baconhenge. Enough said.

Talking Jesus!

I can't figure out who the voice of Jesus is. Not quite James Earl Jones, not quite Christopher Walken...hmm...

Umm...happy Father's Day?

"I'm voting Republican!"

The atheist's banana nightmare revisited

I pointed out how Kirk Cameron so devastatingly refused my atheism with the design obvious in a banana previously. Turns out, while there was some design to it, it wasn't really divine:



P.S. Remember this? Oh, it still makes me laugh. Then cry. But laugh first!

Infertility rant

Okay, seriously? I have exactly zero sympathy for bourgeois whining about the hardships of infertility. Don't compare the "suffering" of your "disease" to, you know, actual suffering and actual disease.

1. The world is already over-populated, and it's only getting worse. Your gas wouldn't cost so goddamn much if there weren't a billion people over in India and China who are suddenly discovering, "Heeeey...you mean, we don't have to live in squalor? And these 'vehicles' you speak of..." We don't need your own personal screaming shit factory adding to the problems.
   
2. Last I checked, the world was still full of unwanted babies and parent-less children in orphanages. If you want a baby so much, shut up, get over your goddamn genetic protectionism, and adopt one of them.

For fuck's sake...Americans get worked up over the dumbest shit...

Huffington on "balance"

You know, Huffington may have a slightly batty, schizophrenic history, but it's nice to hear someone finally saying in a public forum what I've been complaining about for a while (i.e., the idea of "balanced" media coverage is stupid).

Aww...

Poor guy...

"One Possible Explanation"

Penny Arcade's take on Jack Thompson:

Jack Thompson: still an asshole

Not worth another Daily Douchebag, but just in case you were wondering: yup, Jack Thompson is still an asshole.

I am not not confused

Yet another in my series of "Reappropriating Private Email Correspondences for Public Amusement" postings:

On Jun 4, 2008, at 2:13 PM, O wrote:

"All of the following reasons are disadvantages to investing in alternatives assets except: "

Mind you, alternatives assets are the ones with features that are generally not like 'regular' assets.

So the question is basically asking, "What should you not consider when you don't want to invest in assets that are not like the usual types of assets?"

And that would be one of the easy questions.

Saturday is going to suck.

O
-----

On Wed, Jun 4, 2008 at 7:45 PM, N wrote:

I am not not confused.

-----

On Jun 4, 2008, at 5:08 PM, Q wrote:

Which of the follow options, where you to not be unconfused, would most strongly not further confound the bemusement if said option were to be disregard?

A) Fish
B) A porpoise
C) The number 7
D) Yes

-----

On Jun 4, 2008, at 5:15 PM, N wrote:

Which choice of the below would most strongly fail to unconfuse you were it not to be an option?

A) D
B) A
C) B
D) C

"Bury me in my can"

"He...he...*snurfle*...he popped but then he just couldn't...*snurfle*...couldn't stop!!! *piteous sobbing*"

"My Chest Is a Complicated Place"

Another cool essay on Nerve by the same girl who wrote the NYT piece a while back.

A whole essay about boobs: what's not to like? (Ok, fine, so technically it's about boobs and what's underneath, but details...)

Sacrilicious

Mmmm...sacrilicious. :)