Today in 'GodDAMN are people ever fucked up!'

Here, and here.

Don't I just brighten your days?

RFID and MythBusters

I'm not normally one to get all paranoid about RFID, but the fact that this was effectively censored should scare you at least a little (you only need to watch the first 2 minutes)...

Translating cats

The original:

One proposed translation:

A more likely translation:

Obama to McCain

"Bend over, and take it."

Nice speech...very nice speech. I'm not sure how you respond to that if you're a Republican. I'm sure they'll come up with something that I think sounds stupid that resonates with Republicans for some reason. :-/

On world record gangbang attempts

Consider this a continuation of this comment thread from a previous post...

There is so much to be entertained about in the article on the "world's biggest gangbang." I love this line:

"There was criticism from the rest of the industry on such a spectacle, including the safety aspect although all the men were tested and most of the time condoms were used."

Ignore the amusing idea of condoms being worn "most of the time" ("Well, I mean, I'm mostly not pregnant...") and focus on the "criticism from the rest of the industry."

"Look, we're trying to do a respectable shoot of 'Lawrence of A Labia' over here, and you have to go and sully the good name of our industry! Have some respect for yourselves, for god's sake..."

Also, apparently they styled the bed after the Roman empress Messalina. Interesting chick:

The oft-repeated tale of Messalina’s all-night sex competition with a prostitute comes from Book X of Pliny’s Naturalis Historia. Pliny does not name the prostitute; the Restoration playwright Nathaniel Richards calls her Scylla in The Tragedy of Messalina, Empress of Rome, published in 1640, and Robert Graves in his novel Claudius the God also identified the prostitute as Scylla. According to Pliny, the competition lasted for 24 hours and Messalina won with a score of 25 partners.

Roman sources claim that Messalina used sex to enforce her power and control politicians, that she had a brothel under an assumed name and organised orgies for upper class women and that she participated much in politics and sold her influence to Roman nobles or foreign notables.

God, politics nowadays are fucking _boring_. Side note:

Among those who were loyal to Messalina was consul Lucius Vitellius. He begged her as a tremendous privilege for him to remove Messalina’s shoes. Vitellius would nurse her right shoe between his toga and tunic and would sometimes take the shoe out and kiss it.

Earliest example of a shoe fetish?

The philosophy of prostitution

I read an interesting comment (that I of course can't find any more) on the Stranger's blog ("slog") that I hadn't thought about before: What's the difference between making an adult film and prostitution? Seriously. You pay someone to have sex when you make an adult film. How is that different than prostitution? Just because you're not paying them to have sex with _you_? Does that mean if I pay someone to have sex with my friend, and my friend pays someone else to have sex with me, then it's not prostitution?

DNC speeches

Mark Warner
Warner is a bad speaker. Not a terrible one, but not good. He is just not inspiring. That's unfortunate, because his message was a good one: we can embrace our problems as an opportunity for innovation. Bring outsourced jobs to rural communities. Spur growth in alternative energy industries. Etc. Too bad I think the message got lost in the poor delivery.

Bill Clinton
Bill's speech was good, though not as good as Biden's. It started slow, but got to some satisfying hammers against McCain and Bush by the end. It did feel a little weird though, especially at the beginning, in a reverse psychology kind of way. He kept explicitly mentioning the perceived weaknesses of Obama. I know there's an argument for directly addressing such concerns, but it felt like it kind of reminded people to think about them, which I think is counter-productive. I was really surprised when he talked about how McCain diverged with his party on some important issues. Huh? I mean, nevermind that it's basically false (he's one of the most conservative members of the Senate)...why are you saying that during a DNC speech?? Weird.

Joe Biden
Biden's speech was the best of the lot. He's a really compelling speaker, and he hammered McCain hard. He had passion and energy, and he really still feels like a working-class kinda guy despite his years and years in the Senate. I hope that translates into bringing more blue collar voters into the fold.

Badass old Izuzu commercial

Modern commercials clearly suck.

Over-educated nerd humor

Dude, if you actually get this _and_ the reference it's making, you are way, way, WAY over-educated. (and yes, I do, and yes, I am)

There are different kinds of hurt

*sniff*...

Christianity explained

Yeah, no, that totally makes sense. Clearly we can't have a President who doesn't believe this stuff.

DNC nausea

Ugh. I'm already sick of the DNC Convention. The ridiculous flag-waving, "pick yourself up by yer bootstraps!", "The American Dream is still alive!" narrative is making me fucking nauseous. It's absolutely what they have to do, but it's such pandering bullshit.

Eep?

Dude. Don't say bad stuff about the pill. I love the pill. The pill is one of the greatest inventions ever.

DNC schedule

Courtesy O. :)

Patriotism

Another in our series on "private IM conversations made public for your amusement":

C: after watching the olympics i feel the need to be more american. i think i'll go amass a few grand in credit card debt
Me: that's the spirit!
C: gold plated napkin dispenser? how could i possibly live without it?
Me: better go on a hoveround though...don't want to be burning any extra calories
C: good point
C: although i'll need some chrome on my hoveround
C: who am i kidding though, if i'm gonna build up credit card debt its all going on hookers and booze
C: not necessarily in that order. but probably
Me: I recommend the booze first
C: heres my thinking - in the beginning i'll have the high priced hookers. i dont need to be drunk for those. as i get poorer and dip down to the $10 street whores - then i'll need to be hammered
Me: ok, nevermind...clearly you've thought this out already.
C: obviously

Mmmm...sacrilicious

I'm in an intolerant of religion kinda mood.

The most awkward sex talk ever

Wow...this very well might be the most awkward sex talk ever.

It takes a lot to leave me speechless...I think this might have done that though. I'm going to be over here curled up in a fetal position, m'k?

Abortion blog

Fascinating/amusing/scary blog by a woman going from finding out she's pregnant to actually getting an abortion. Wish there were a place I could offer support, although undoubtedly I'd be drowned out by pro-lifers who have nothing better to do than harass a scared early-twenties woman.

Caution: more doggie porn

Dear GOD I am so easily amused. Midnight on a Friday night and this is what I've sunk to.

You have to admit though...whoever came up with the concept after observing that in the neighbor's garden deserves an emmy.

The secret to great sex: socks!

"The experiments also revealed a rather surprising effect: both men and women found it easier to have an orgasm when they kept their socks on."

Proof-positive there is too much sex in music videos

Thoughtful political commentary: Fuck Critical Mass

Yes, it's kind of a bit far to go to piss off people who, well, piss you off, but I do deeply appreciate the irony here. This is exactly the kind of result I expected out of those retarded Critical Mass protests. You pissed off a guy enough to get injunctions against bike lanes, and you got in an all-out brawl with a driver in downtown Seattle; well done, guys! You're winning hearts and minds!

Tiddy Bear!

Heh...hehehe...hehehehehehe...Tiddy Bear...hehe...

Defending yourself against 20 children

Thank you! Finally a _practical_ piece of information on the internet.

I Google myself

This guy almost makes me want to go gay. :-D

- Watch more free videos

How American men will die

I have no particular thoughts on this. Just think it's interesting.

Death Star over San Francisco

Damn. You know, I would have thought I would have noticed the Imperial armada while I was in SF, but I guess not...

His _third_ penis?

You know, I love the mental image of this guy coming home to his wife, her taking one look, and going, "Alright. That's it. Check please!"

(thanks J)

Electronic voting

Tomb Raider redux

I'm a little disturbed by how long I just spent staring at this:



On the plus side, it's moments like these that I think to myself, "Yeah, I'm pretty damn sure I'm not gay..." (and please spare me the "Who are you trying to convince?..." comments...look at her for chrissakes!)

Umm, yes please?

*drools, paws at air...*

Disturbia

Man, if there were ever a video that didn't match a song, it's Disturbia. The video looks like it was shot for a Marilyn Manson song and then switched to a Rihanna dance ditty at the last second. Ugh. I'm going to pretend I never watched that...

The best take on Orson Scott Card's departure on the 9:15 to Crazy Town

Surprisingly, by Cracked. Probably my favorite line:

"I mean, I understand a devout Mormon having some issues with gayness, but when your brain tells you that it’s an important enough issue to divide the country in a bloody coup, it’s time to get a new brain."

Cooties

I forget whether I posed this:

Vagina

Well, it's true...

Important boob-related research

I'm so glad someone out there is doing the truly important research...

I've...developed a taste...

I love this...