That's it

I have tried to keep an open mind about Knoxville. Yes, it has all the aesthetic charm of Pittsburgh combined with the high-minded erudite citizenry you would expect from a land-locked southern state. Yes, the airport has only 12 gates, and it costs a minimum of $400 to get anywhere. Yes, Tennessee's major distinctions are that it is home to Elvis's house and Dollywood. But I was unwilling to condemn it based on stereotypes. Coming from North Carolina, I know that that southern drawl can connote charismatic, engaging, and welcoming personalities just as well as redneck, so I wanted to give it a chance to prove me wrong.

After three months of continuous right-wing radio, NASCAR, and oppressive, humid heat, I'm throwing in the towel. The nail in the coffin was tonight when some redneck kid threatened me and told me, "don't nev-uh come back, y'hear?!" because I...get this...said, "It was really nice to meet you...I'll email you sometime!" when I was saying goodbye to his girlfriend at a poker tournament.

Please, god, get me out of this redneck shit-hole. Tennessee now officially joins Florida in my growing list of states we'd be better off carpet-bombing.