Stupid comment of the hour

Dear Mr. survivor of the sinking of the Indianapolis-

I don't mean to belittle your experience of watching sharks devour your comrades and all, but I couldn't help wondering if you really meant it when you said, "Suddenly, they were everywhere. I...don't know where they came from..."

Really? 'cause if I were a bettin' man, I'd wager the sharks came from the giant ocean you were afloat in. Maybe they came from the east. Or the west. Possibly also north or south. Hell, they might even have just come up from underneath you. Pretty much the only place they _wouldn't_ have come from was up. Unless they could jump. Or fly. But I'm guessing you would have heard some splashing if that were the case.

My point is, usually such a comment expresses that the origin of the sharks was a total mystery. If, for instance, you were at the shop getting your car fixed, and then suddenly there was a girlish scream and you noticed a Great White devouring your mechanic, I could totally understand your confusion as to where the shark might have come from. I'd be downright shocked, personally. If interviewed, I very well might end up saying, "I have no idea where that shark came from." The reporter would agree with me, and the headline would probably be something along the lines of, "Mystery As Shark Eats Mechanic in Own Shop, No Water for Miles." Or, perhaps more directly, "Mechanic Eaten By Shark Downtown: What the Fuck?!" People all over the city would read the headline, and the mystery would grip the imagination of the citizenry until the next time a celebrity did something retarded.

But, "Bleeding Man Floating in Middle of Ocean Devoured By Sharks: Where Did They Come From?!"? Not so much. I mean, consider some similar headlines I thought of:

"Naked Man Wrapped in Raw Bacon in Serengeti Devoured Promptly By Lions: Who Would Have Thought?!"

"Man in Bronx Wearing Klan Outfit Bearing Sign Suggesting 'Darkies Go Back to Africa' Has Shit Beaten Out Of Him: Expected To Be Greeted Warmly and Given Cupcake"

"Mother Leaves Baby in Gaping Jaws of Crocodile During Nap: Horrified To Find Child Now Missing"

What I'm saying, Mr. Survivor, is that there are many mysteries related to your ordeal; where sharks might have come from while you were floating in the ocean surrounded by dead and bleeding shipmates is not one of them.