Since I haven't posted in a while, here:

Flying Penis Disrupts Russian Meeting

Okay, that's _definitely_ not something you see every day...

Icelandic Phallogical Museum

Donate your penis to science!!!

"One species conspicuous by its absence is homo sapiens, but that may soon be rectified since a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton have promised to donate their organs after death, according to certificates on display.

The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis -- which he purportedly nick-named 'Elmo' -- for display alongside a life-size plastic mould of the member as well as his pledge to donate it."

Also, this isn't creepy _at all_:

"He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, with little notion he would one day be running a museum devoted to the subject."

Stealing dad's credit card to buy hookers

Okay, no part of this article isn't funny. There's honestly nothing I can add to it to make it any better.

Folding proteins for fun and profit

I think this is probably one of if not _the_ coolest thing to come out of our department. They managed to make a game out of folding proteins! Now your procrastination could actually cure disease!

Standards

Okay, seriously...if we somehow agree that it's not okay for 16-year-olds to vote, why the fuck can't we agree that it's not okay for retards to vote?

...and before you object, remember that not only do they believe that Obama is an anti-American Muslim, they also _said so to a reporter_.

Bad ideas include

Leaving "cystic fibrosis porn" in my Google search windows in the lab for anyone and everyone to see is probably a bad idea, huh?

Horrifying discovery

I have recently discovered that not only do I like _more than one_ dance remix of Britney Spears shit, there's even a remix of fucking Miley Cyrus I like. And there's a Justin Timberlake song that's been on my iPod for a while now.

Isn't the next logical step here that I excitedly tell my friends I just got my first period?

The truth of graduate student life (in comic form)

I wish this weren't so sadly accurate.

Your daily douchebag (5/5/08)

You know, every time I swear I'm not going to give Jack Thompson another Daily Douchebag, he does something that brings douchebaggery to an entirely new level.

"Hmm...I've said pretty much every douchbaggy thing that could ever be said...how can I add that extra 'oomph!' that says, '_That_ man is no ordinary douchebag. Truly, he is a titan among douchebags!'? I know! Instead of sending a threatening email to my adversary, send it to his mother!"

Fuck Clinton redux

Okay, I now officially hate Hillary Clinton. What utter, pandering, anti-intellectual, Republican horse shit. This is exactly the same kind of "Fuck the 'experts' and their 'knowledge' and 'intimate understanding of all the relevant details'" crap that turned Iraq into the shit-storm it now is.

I never thought there would be anything that would cause me to not vote against a Republican, but this is getting _very_ close...

Haven't we all, at some point in our lives, thought...

"...you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go fuck a penguin."

Facebook in reality

Clarence Thomas apparently likes Egg McMuffins

What happens when you write celebrities and serial killers posing as a 10-year-old boy? Do you get valuable advice, or do you get mysterious pictures of barns? Find out!

Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse

Break the Ice

I dig the dark, anime, Trinity-esque Britney, and I like the song (which I must admit I bought from the iTunes store).

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I bet you thought there was no such thing as a partially completed surgery. Apparently, in China, you're wrong.

*clutches knees, rocks back and forth in corner, whimpering...*

Signs I am a bad person

I reply to "Happy Earth Day!" with, "So, you're saying I should _stop_ suffocating the baby seal with this plastic bag?"

The whosiwhatsisnow?

You heard me. The Toast of Botswana.

Also, why does this paragraph make me feel so defensive?:

"Although infertile, the hybrid had a very active libido, mounting both ewes and does when they were not in heat. This earned the hybrid the name Bemya or rapist. He was castrated when he was 10 months old because he was becoming a nuisance."

A thought on having sex with your lawn furniture

Okay, yes, creepy. But isn't this a victimless crime? If the guy can seriously get his rocks off by boning an umbrella stand, why shouldn't he be able to do that? He doesn't bother any women (or little boys), and there's no chance that it could accidentally involve passing on his umbrella-humping genes. Isn't this pretty much ideal?

Let natural selection do its work, for fuck's sake!