Important boob-related research

I'm so glad someone out there is doing the truly important research...

I've...developed a taste...

I love this...

First motivational poster I've ever liked

Darwin at work again

Sigh. I don't even need to say anything, do I?

Perception versus reality

I seem to have to explain to every girl I meet (at least the ones that fret over their body, which is most of them) that their perception is skewed. I had known that men's ideal female body is more curvy than women's, but this article (mildly nsfw) provided a very nice, visual summary of it.

Ladies: you're hot, and we like you naked. End of story. :)

Please, girls, don't ever do this

From British Cosmo (scanned charitably by K). This is _so_ not okay. Click to zoom.

Perhaps the best definition of porn ever

N: and you damn well know what porn is
L: ...
L: i'd still like to hear you explain it
N: when a man loves a woman...
N: sometimes he wants to see that woman naked
N: with a horse
L: HA
L: oh i spit out my gum!
L: like, flew at the wall. damn you

Ingenious social engineering story from Kevin Mitnick

Genius. Also assholic, but genius.

Hyperbole gone wrong

Is it me, or it is absurdly hyperbolic to title this article the, "Most Creative Sex Positions Ever!!!" I mean...really? Knees up on the edge of the kitchen counter is one of them. I really don't think it takes all _that_ much creativity to come up with that one. Next they'll be suggesting the lady be on top, and surely then their readers will be "ovuh-come with the vay-pahs"...

For fuck's sake (literally?) even Wikipedia can come up with something weirder. Cosmo, you're not even trying any more...

Goat schadenfreude

I take a sick amount of pleasure in this video. God, how many annoying children have I wanted to do that to?

God bless you, karma goat.

Petting Zoo Goat Slams Kid - Watch more free videos

What happens when I get bored

I went to the Bite of Seattle today and got funnel cake (mmmm...funnel cake...) and in a moment of...well, _me_...went up to the "Lost Kids" booth where two attractive young women were looking quite bored, pulled out my wallet, and asked, "So, how much do lost kids go for these days?" Hey, I brought them smoothies too...it's not like I was just making their life hard. To their credit they played along, although they made no effort to keep me engaged in conversation when I quickly made leaving motions lest it look like a lame excuse to talk to pretty girls (which, admittedly, it kind of was).

It's good to know that I haven't gained any sanity since my youth...

The Onion: Horrifyingly prescient

Note the date.

Gitmo

Do you know what the youngest age of someone at Guantanamo was when it opened?

11.

They were holding an 11-year-old at Gitmo. And I think he's still there.

God this country is fucked.

Gay rights: mostly about money

Honestly, this is why I've never been too pessimistic (unusual for me) about the prospects for gay rights in the long term: it doesn't make economic sense. Quick summary of the history of Massachusetts since gay marriage was legalized: "DOWN WITH GAY PEOP...oh, wait...they have money?! Fuck, why didn't you say so?!..."

Never forget money makes the world go 'round. :)

Cats can be fucking bitches

Cat doesn't let dog eat - Watch more free videos

Want to be depressed?

Read this. Lays out very succinctly what a failure this administration has been in dealing with terrorism.

Continued Ayn Rand

I've been having more fun with the Ayn Rand thread on Digg (instead of working, of course). Philosophy is far more interesting than virtual machines at the moment...

Poetry

Ayn Rand rant

In a fit of procrastination, I succumbed to my impulse to post on Digg, and I actually came up with a fairly concise description of my objections to Ayn Rand and Objectivism:

"There is a certain irony in Ayn Rand's philosophy in that she held "reason", which she defined roughly as "an objective view of reality," as the ultimate goal of life, and yet psychological studies prove time and again that people, when viewed objectively and scientifically, are fundamentally irrational. Animal training, conditioning with rewards and punishments, is a far more accurate model and effective guide to molding human behavior than any of her nonsense.

Rather than providing a guide for improvement, Rand's philosophy has served mostly as (ironically) a rationalization for discrimination ("if they're poor it's their own fault", "black people are incapable of the same kind of civilized reason that white people are", "women can't be trusted with anything important because they're too emotional", etc.), and consequently a blinder to the inadequacies of capitalism and free markets that arise from humanity's basically impulse-driven nature."

Here kitty kitty kitty...

My mother apparently believes me to be ruled by my baser instincts

I am disturbed by her first assumptions about my ideas for what to do with weightlessness...

Me: "in 50 words or less, what is the first thing you would do in weightlessness?"
Mom: throw up
Me: right. after that.
Mom: try to collect the barf
Mom: Really, it's not a condition I've ever thought of as an opportunity to do something I couldn't do before. What about you?
Me: trying to figure that out
Mom: because ....?
Me: it's a prompt for an entry into the Virgin America contest to win a trip to the unveiling of the Virgin Galactic spaceship.
Mom: I have had to come to understand that I don't think like the age, gender, outlook, tastes of the people who would even think up a Virgin Galactic spaceship.... You're probably a lot closer to it, so what are you thinking.... something sensual? sexual? science-y? life-style-y?

Iranian missile followup

Clearly, if the Iranian news agency hadn't half-assed their image doctoring, it would have been far more effective...

Louis Theroux and the Phelps

Wow...want to take a serious trip through the looking glass? See what it's like inside the Westboro Baptist Church.

I take some solace in that they're essentially a doomsday cult where the children do not marry or reproduce, so they will eventually die out. But damn...it's surprisingly painful to watch that 21-year-old girl, who probably in other circumstances would have been kind and lovely, denied her right to an actual life.

Someone has been seduced by the devil, but it's not us. :(

The truth hurts

From the "You couldn't make this shit up if you tried" files...

Iran sucks at Photoshop.

Oooh...rain_bows_...

We must retake our country, people! The government is now resorting to, uhh, rainbows! Rainbows!!!

(thank you J)

Passive-aggressive notes

Oh, I heart this repository of passive-aggressive notes...

Lava surfing

Certain things are very obviously bad ideas. This happens to be one of them.

Uh, guys?...

Hey, you, umm...you might wanna...uh...


Powerful Avalanche - A funny movie is a click away

Louis Theroux and the Brothel

I found this absolutely fascinating. Louis Theroux (whom apparently I should know but didn't) spends several weeks in the Crazy Horse brothel before it opens, getting to know the girls, seeing what life there is like, etc. (Obviously nsfw)

I don't know why I find it so fascinating. I mean, yeah, sex, titillation, etc. But the social dynamic is just so...unique. It's like a normal relationship viewed through a funhouse mirror.

(you can find the rest of the series in Related Videos)


Similarly, "Pleasure For Sale" is a Sundance award-winning documentary on some of the same stuff.

Ok fine I take it back

It was pointed out to me that certain corporate overlords block Facebook but do not block blogspot. Sigh. Okay, fine. FINE. I will continue posting here. Don't say I never did nuthin' for you.

Especially since I'm giving you Presto, the short at the beginning of WALL-E. If you haven't seen WALL-E, for fuck's sake, what is wrong with you?! Go. Now.

So long and thanks for all the fish

I think, dear friends, it is time to kill this here blog off. It's original intent was to serve as a common repository for random crap I come across in the great wasteland that is the Internet, as well as a location for the occasional rant. I am finding, much as I hate to admit it, that Facebook serves both purposes (particularly the former) better (i.e., with less effort on my part). I don't need the anonymity nor the flexibility of a blog. So, you will see stuff that used to be here instead posted to Facebook. If you don't have a Facebook profile, hi, it's not the 90s any more. Get one. :)

Clown Porn

So wrong, and yet, so right...

8. Sweeping up the wet spot: It’s like the old sweeping up the shrinking spotlight bit, but with the wet spot.

9. Confetti money shot: He pulls out and shoots confetti all over the female clown.

10. Seltzer money shot: He pulls out and is going to skeet on her face, but instead it is a huge torrent of seltzer water. Lots of it. And just when it seems like there is no more left, and she begins to rub it all over herself, another huge torrent, larger than the first blasts her.

11. More honking: All intercourse will have honking on the in-stroke.

12. Slide whistle: Some how this seems like a good sound effect for an anal scene, but could be good for another blow job scene too. Whooooeeeep. Wheeeeoooop. Whooooeeeep. Wheeeeoooop.

This month sucks

First Russert, now Carlin.

Goddamnit.

"The good die young, but dicks live forever." -- Lewis Black

YouTubery on female anatomy

First, laugh:

Then, be horrified:

A Biblical depiction of history

Baconhenge!

It's Baconhenge. Enough said.

Talking Jesus!

I can't figure out who the voice of Jesus is. Not quite James Earl Jones, not quite Christopher Walken...hmm...

Umm...happy Father's Day?

"I'm voting Republican!"

The atheist's banana nightmare revisited

I pointed out how Kirk Cameron so devastatingly refused my atheism with the design obvious in a banana previously. Turns out, while there was some design to it, it wasn't really divine:



P.S. Remember this? Oh, it still makes me laugh. Then cry. But laugh first!

Infertility rant

Okay, seriously? I have exactly zero sympathy for bourgeois whining about the hardships of infertility. Don't compare the "suffering" of your "disease" to, you know, actual suffering and actual disease.

1. The world is already over-populated, and it's only getting worse. Your gas wouldn't cost so goddamn much if there weren't a billion people over in India and China who are suddenly discovering, "Heeeey...you mean, we don't have to live in squalor? And these 'vehicles' you speak of..." We don't need your own personal screaming shit factory adding to the problems.
   
2. Last I checked, the world was still full of unwanted babies and parent-less children in orphanages. If you want a baby so much, shut up, get over your goddamn genetic protectionism, and adopt one of them.

For fuck's sake...Americans get worked up over the dumbest shit...

Huffington on "balance"

You know, Huffington may have a slightly batty, schizophrenic history, but it's nice to hear someone finally saying in a public forum what I've been complaining about for a while (i.e., the idea of "balanced" media coverage is stupid).

Aww...

Poor guy...

"One Possible Explanation"

Penny Arcade's take on Jack Thompson:

Jack Thompson: still an asshole

Not worth another Daily Douchebag, but just in case you were wondering: yup, Jack Thompson is still an asshole.

I am not not confused

Yet another in my series of "Reappropriating Private Email Correspondences for Public Amusement" postings:

On Jun 4, 2008, at 2:13 PM, O wrote:

"All of the following reasons are disadvantages to investing in alternatives assets except: "

Mind you, alternatives assets are the ones with features that are generally not like 'regular' assets.

So the question is basically asking, "What should you not consider when you don't want to invest in assets that are not like the usual types of assets?"

And that would be one of the easy questions.

Saturday is going to suck.

O
-----

On Wed, Jun 4, 2008 at 7:45 PM, N wrote:

I am not not confused.

-----

On Jun 4, 2008, at 5:08 PM, Q wrote:

Which of the follow options, where you to not be unconfused, would most strongly not further confound the bemusement if said option were to be disregard?

A) Fish
B) A porpoise
C) The number 7
D) Yes

-----

On Jun 4, 2008, at 5:15 PM, N wrote:

Which choice of the below would most strongly fail to unconfuse you were it not to be an option?

A) D
B) A
C) B
D) C

"Bury me in my can"

"He...he...*snurfle*...he popped but then he just couldn't...*snurfle*...couldn't stop!!! *piteous sobbing*"

"My Chest Is a Complicated Place"

Another cool essay on Nerve by the same girl who wrote the NYT piece a while back.

A whole essay about boobs: what's not to like? (Ok, fine, so technically it's about boobs and what's underneath, but details...)

Sacrilicious

Mmmm...sacrilicious. :)

Since I haven't posted in a while, here:

Flying Penis Disrupts Russian Meeting

Okay, that's _definitely_ not something you see every day...

Icelandic Phallogical Museum

Donate your penis to science!!!

"One species conspicuous by its absence is homo sapiens, but that may soon be rectified since a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton have promised to donate their organs after death, according to certificates on display.

The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis -- which he purportedly nick-named 'Elmo' -- for display alongside a life-size plastic mould of the member as well as his pledge to donate it."

Also, this isn't creepy _at all_:

"He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, with little notion he would one day be running a museum devoted to the subject."

Stealing dad's credit card to buy hookers

Okay, no part of this article isn't funny. There's honestly nothing I can add to it to make it any better.

Folding proteins for fun and profit

I think this is probably one of if not _the_ coolest thing to come out of our department. They managed to make a game out of folding proteins! Now your procrastination could actually cure disease!

Standards

Okay, seriously...if we somehow agree that it's not okay for 16-year-olds to vote, why the fuck can't we agree that it's not okay for retards to vote?

...and before you object, remember that not only do they believe that Obama is an anti-American Muslim, they also _said so to a reporter_.

Bad ideas include

Leaving "cystic fibrosis porn" in my Google search windows in the lab for anyone and everyone to see is probably a bad idea, huh?

Horrifying discovery

I have recently discovered that not only do I like _more than one_ dance remix of Britney Spears shit, there's even a remix of fucking Miley Cyrus I like. And there's a Justin Timberlake song that's been on my iPod for a while now.

Isn't the next logical step here that I excitedly tell my friends I just got my first period?

The truth of graduate student life (in comic form)

I wish this weren't so sadly accurate.

Your daily douchebag (5/5/08)

You know, every time I swear I'm not going to give Jack Thompson another Daily Douchebag, he does something that brings douchebaggery to an entirely new level.

"Hmm...I've said pretty much every douchbaggy thing that could ever be said...how can I add that extra 'oomph!' that says, '_That_ man is no ordinary douchebag. Truly, he is a titan among douchebags!'? I know! Instead of sending a threatening email to my adversary, send it to his mother!"

Fuck Clinton redux

Okay, I now officially hate Hillary Clinton. What utter, pandering, anti-intellectual, Republican horse shit. This is exactly the same kind of "Fuck the 'experts' and their 'knowledge' and 'intimate understanding of all the relevant details'" crap that turned Iraq into the shit-storm it now is.

I never thought there would be anything that would cause me to not vote against a Republican, but this is getting _very_ close...

Haven't we all, at some point in our lives, thought...

"...you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go fuck a penguin."

Facebook in reality

Clarence Thomas apparently likes Egg McMuffins

What happens when you write celebrities and serial killers posing as a 10-year-old boy? Do you get valuable advice, or do you get mysterious pictures of barns? Find out!

Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse

Break the Ice

I dig the dark, anime, Trinity-esque Britney, and I like the song (which I must admit I bought from the iTunes store).

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I bet you thought there was no such thing as a partially completed surgery. Apparently, in China, you're wrong.

*clutches knees, rocks back and forth in corner, whimpering...*

Signs I am a bad person

I reply to "Happy Earth Day!" with, "So, you're saying I should _stop_ suffocating the baby seal with this plastic bag?"

The whosiwhatsisnow?

You heard me. The Toast of Botswana.

Also, why does this paragraph make me feel so defensive?:

"Although infertile, the hybrid had a very active libido, mounting both ewes and does when they were not in heat. This earned the hybrid the name Bemya or rapist. He was castrated when he was 10 months old because he was becoming a nuisance."

A thought on having sex with your lawn furniture

Okay, yes, creepy. But isn't this a victimless crime? If the guy can seriously get his rocks off by boning an umbrella stand, why shouldn't he be able to do that? He doesn't bother any women (or little boys), and there's no chance that it could accidentally involve passing on his umbrella-humping genes. Isn't this pretty much ideal?

Let natural selection do its work, for fuck's sake!

I am retarded

I can't stop laughing at this.

GodDAMN that must have hurt...

Disturbing sex toys

I mean, whatever...you're into what you're into. But...but...really? Really?!

Erotic Jesus

From the article:

"But the most disputed work was 'Leonardo's Last Supper, restored by Pier Paolo Pasolini' which showed cavorting Apostles sprawling over the dining table and masturbating each other."

You know, I can see why some people might be a wee upset about that...

It got me thinking though. Having a bunch of biblical figures jerking each other off is just cheap attention-whoring (although still awesome, don't get me wrong...I approve of the transgression of any and all lines of propriety). And frankly, it's not that erotic.

So what if you really did make a truly erotic Jesus? You know, like a Jesus in seductive poses, winking at the camera, showing cleavage. Now _that_ would be an erotic Jesus. A quick Google search for "sexy Jesus" reveals a comic entitled, "The Adventures of Sexy Jesus," which is a start, but I think there's far more marketability here. Anyone want to start a business and get rich?

The George Bush Sewage Treatment Plant

God bless San Francisco.

Bacon bra!

I think the picture speaks for itself.

(and yes, fine, props to J since she keeps complaining that she gets no credit)

Need a slightly used rubber fist?

Here ya go!

JesusPan

"Put the image of Jesus RIGHT ON FOOD!"

Cultural evolution

I just had an important discussion that has advanced the state of popular culture, and I feel it should be summarized here for posterity lest it be lost to the mists of history (it was too long to include verbatim).

I was commenting on my already well-documented love of the phrase "douchenozzle." It was pointed out to me that this is really a term that can justifiably be applied only to guys, which is true. I proposed that the shortened "nozzle" might be a more fitting general purpose derogatory term with less of a gender-specific connotation that still maintains the feel of the full "douchenozzle." A vote was held, and the motion carried. Henceforth, please begin referring to people that annoy you as "nozzles."

For variety, you can also refer to people as "fucknozzles." It's longer and more satisfying (that's what she said?...), and has more of the spitting staccato that you want out of a swear. Example:

"Nick, you're such a retard..."

"Hey, you know what? You can go fuck yourself, you fucking fucknozzle."

See? It's fantastic.

There was, incidentally, a final twist in the conversation that led to an agreement that Fucknozzle sounds like a character you would find on "Muppets After Dark." Can't you just picture Kermit, Ms. Piggy, Fozzy, and Fucknozzle hanging around a dark alley smoking cigarettes? Or maybe they're holding an intervention for Fucknozzle. That seems strangely appropriate.

My warped mind

When I saw an ad that said, "Wondering if you have a gambling problem? Call the National Gambling Addiction Hotline," the first thing I thought to myself was, "Dude, they totally should have put, 'Hey, we bet you $10 you won't call! Eh? Eh?'"

Does that make me a bad person?

I'm going to go ahead and assume yes...

He's having a baby

*jaw falls on floor, brain explodes*

(courtesy MrsMalkav)

The Steep Price of Our Forbidden Kiss

I don't post a lot of serious stuff here (at least not things I'm not about to angrily rant about), but this New York Times piece by a girl with cystic fibrosis touched me deeply. I've never read something so...familiar. Familiar because it speaks to what being young and chronically ill does to your life.

What's it gonna be?

The Greatest Drunk on Earth

I have a new hero.

Making babies is complicated (nsfw)

You know? It's probably just that it's 2 in the morning and I'm in a weird mood, but this amused me as much as it left me feeling really, really strange. (click to view it so you can actually see it)

I think the schooner is my favorite part.

Misheard Numa lyrics

You're all sick little monkeys

For fuck's sake people...what the hell is wrong with you? That shit was posted two _months_ ago, and it still constitutes 40 goddamn percent of the traffic to this blog! Good lord! There's much better porn out there, I swear!

"Which giant, high-fructose-corn-syrup megacorps own your favorite hippie organic microbrands?"

...and you people wonder why I'm such a cynic.

Hate groups in the US

This map of hate groups in the US is interesting to me for only one reason: South Dakota seems to have no race hate groups whatsoever.

Want to know why?

BECAUSE THERE ARE NO GODDAMN PEOPLE IN SOUTH DAKOTA TO BEGIN WITH.

Skippy's List addendum

I didn't notice there was a user-submitted addendum to Skippy's List!!!

I nearly pissed myself at this one:

"Combining blanks and cleaning rods in the M16A2 rifle is not an acceptable means of acquiring 'meat for the tribe.' It should be noted it’s a bitch unpinning a squirrel from a tree and you NEVER get your cleaning rod back."

The tragedy of the tutu

This is what I apparently do instead of research.

-----

Subject: This shall not stand!

I write to you, gentle-folk, to tell you of a travesty of staggering proportions. I arrived in the systems lab and immediately felt, in the depths of my soul, that something was deeply, deeply wrong. For a time, I could not fathom what was amiss, but the room felt dark, as if a savage murder had been committed here many years ago.

It was only when R pointed, her hand quivering as her brain undoubtedly struggled to process the savage deed, at the garbage can that my malady gained focus. My face blanched, and my jaw dropped agape, as I beheld the horror.

There, cruelly scrunched in pink mourning, lay my beloved tutu.

It is here that I must hastily remind you to breathe, gentle reader, for I was quick to save the poor thing from its fate. Disaster has, fear not, been averted. But, oh, the savagery of it! That the clearly soulless walking corpse that Shall Not Be Named but shall be referred to only as ******** ******** could behold the majesty of such a tutu, could be bathed in its wonder, and still, with malice aforethought and cruel intent, brazenly toss it in the garbage as one might a common candy wrapper or banana peel, shakes me to my very core!

What has this world come to, I ask you! What depraved state has this world decayed to that a tutu...a shiny, elegant, pink tutu...should, instead of inspiring the beholder to exclaim with glee, "Oh! The joy! The wonder! Let us hold a Pretty Pretty Princess Party in celebration of such a fine specimen of a tutu such as this!", incite a colder, darker response more along the lines of, "Bah! What a wretched tutu! Quickly! Brush it into the waste bin like so much refuse so that this one piercing ray of hope and light in my horrible world can be extinguished and I can return to my dull, dreary existence of kicking puppies and raping chickens (or vice versa)"?

This shall not stand, friends! This is a call to arms! If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem! Stay vigilant! You may think to yourself, "Surely _I_ could not return to my office to find a tutu massacred into a wastebasket! Such tragedies only befall the morally corrupt and the less attractive! Surely I will never endure such trauma!" If you delude yourself thus, know this, friends: I was once like you. I skipped through life as you do, oblivious to this dark, savage side of the human spirit. But then today happened, and I will never be the same. Part of me died today, and the human soul is a delicate thing that, like a central nervous system neuron, is bestowed upon birth and cannot regenerate if damaged.

So take care, dear comrades. Nefarious forces are at work. Cast not a blind eye towards such depravity. The soul you save may be your own.

Nick

P.S. To pre-empt the obvious question, no, I don't actually ever do any real work. Just ask ******** ********.

Let's go for a walk in the park!...

You know, this _sounds_ good at first. But then you have to remember that not only are most people unattractive (more so naked), but that when two ugly people find each other, they have been sex-starved for so long that they fuck like _bunnies_. Any time, anywhere. So, I'd bet you dollars-to-donuts that that park will soon be filled with obese, hairy, sweaty bodies writing against each other. The first phrase to enter your head will not so much be "hot XXX action!" so much as "struggling, beached whale."

Dirty, dirty teens

Gah!

Well, that's the last time _I_ fuck a 14-year-old...

(I know, I'm a horrible person)

Hippy pop medicine

Comment by airhead hippy midwife on Discovery Health documentary:

"Water: nature's epidural! Tee hee!"

Umm...no. No. I'm sorry, no. Just...just...no.

God...damn...hipp-ays!!!...

Tree births

Just in case you thought the babies/windows incident was isolated, I give you the following IM conversation. I'm really...special...aren't I?

-----

Nick: I just heard the following on television:
Nick: : a flash flood forces a woman to give birth in a tree. Next, on Amazing Births!
Nick: Umm...tree?
J: ... and you think that epidurals are where its at
J: fuck that
J: i want a tree birth
Nick: oh hell...what have I done?...
Nick: heh
Nick: hehehehehe...
J: boil some water and get me some rope
Nick: hehehehehehe
Nick: you know what I'm thinking, right?:
Nick: "PUSH!!!..."
Nick: "....................................."
Nick: ".......*thunk!*"
J: sigh
Nick: can a placenta serve as a bungie cord?
J: its just like throwing a baby at a window, right, nick?
J: ouch
Nick: hee....hehehe...
Nick: boing...boing...boing...
Nick: ok....ok...whoo...ok...I'm ok. I'm can stop laughing...
J: nick nick nick
Nick: how long is the placenta? Could she toss the baby to the shore and then use the cord to climb to safety?
J: i don't think you have all your facts straight
Nick: alternatively, could it be used to construct an ad-hoc slingshot, a la wyle e. coyote?
J: ACME
J: i love spam
Nick: hmm...and the placenta is how the baby gets oxygen, right? Can that work in reverse? Could mom use the newborn as a snorkel?
Nick: jesus christ the possibilities are endless!
J: this is frightening
J: and unpleasant
Nick: They should make a PSA informing women in flood-prone areas to be pregnant!
Nick: what, you want the woman to drown?!
Nick: she has a newborn baby!
Nick: I'm just trying to figure out how to save them.
Nick: I don't hear you coming up with any bright ideas.
J: i think they should stay in the tree
J: forever
Nick: that's just stupid. they'd run out of food.
J: we've already discussed that they can eat the placenta
Nick: Although maybe if the tree were fruit-bearing, and the baby were sticky, you could throw it at the high-up fruit...

A doozie of a moral conundrum

I actually find this British debate over what is and is not allowed when performing IVF to be fascinating. This seems one of the first real-world examples of what has traditionally been merely an amusing topic for the philosophically inclined over cups of chai.

The issue is this: a deaf couple wants to ensure, via IVF, that their next child is also deaf. The question is simple: should that be allowed?

Seems simple. The more you think about it, though, the more your brain gets tied in knots. Shouldn't a couple be able to control their ability to reproduce? Does it really matter whether they use scientific tools to more carefully control the nature of their child? Aren't they already doing that just by using IVF in the first place? Why shouldn't they be able to manipulate specific features of the embryo? Wouldn't you want to be able to ensure your child is healthy? Is ensuring your child is deaf, if you think deafness is important for the child, no different?

And yet, it's different. I'm sorry, but deafness is a disability. It's great that the deaf community has found energy and power in their disability by embracing it rather than let it impair them, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a disability. The anatomy of human beings is structured to allow hearing. If the sense of hearing doesn't work, that's a malfunction. And it seems wrong to intentionally damage a child in that way from the get-go. Would we let a parents ask a doctor to sever aural nerves? Fuck no. That would be child abuse. How is this any different?

If they are proud of deaf culture, fine. Physically disabling a child in order to force it to have to participate in that culture is wrong. If it's that important, the child gets to hear by default. When it reaches an age where it's capable of consent, it can choose to become deaf if it really wants to.

And that's what I think about that.

Your daily douchebag (02/10/08)

...to Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern. Not just for being a homophobic douchenozzle, but for being recorded being a homophobic douchenozzle.

I am a cliche

It's 1 am. I'm starting to work on my research project. My computer science research project. To one side of me is a can of Mountain Dew. To the other is a pair of Hot Pockets.

I think all I need now is a pocket protector and the phrase "hot elf action" in my search history, and my nerdery would be complete...

A deep thought

Fuck Hillary.

That is all.

Kitten cannon

Go directly to hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. In fact, get in the express line...

Bad McCain

No biscuit.